There's a light sound of chattering as you pass each classroom door. The molding sea foam green halls are filled with a sort of calm, peaceful silence. All of a sudden, a loud bell rings throughout the school and within seconds, a large crowd of students fill each open space. Locker doors are being slammed ready to fall apart, and laughter is echoing throughout, as students rush to their next class. Half of the school is undergoing renovation which causes the smell of tar and rubber to linger in the hallways. The school has only one story and is particularly small compared to other high schools in the district. It was built in 1949 and named after the third president of the Republic of Texas, Mirabeau B. Lamar. The outside surroundings are just as appealing as the interior of the school. The grass seems like it hasn’t been tend to for awhile and the outside walls are filled with mold in the cracks. The roads that lead to this school are small and need reconstructing as well. To outsiders, it may seem like the roads are leading them to their final moments of their life. This isn’t the type of school that every kid would dream about attending.
But it was somewhere I had no choice to be. This was my high school and obviously I was not happy with it. It didn’t really matter though; school just seemed like a place where I just go for my education. I wasn't exactly the popular girl but I managed to find myself a few close friends that I enjoyed spending my time with. One was my best friend Michael. Being around him was so comforting for me because I felt I could truly just be myself. Around everyone else I would be typically shy and reserved. I constantly struggled with confidence issues, but around him I could just really let loose and he would accept me either way. Michael was a hard worker when it came to school. He was the top 5% of our class. He just has that natural smart thing that some of us unlucky ones lack. Although, his only flaw was that he always seemed a little reserved when it came to girls. Most of his friends that I knew of him hanging out with were typically guys. I’ve never actually seen him with a girlfriend and the only girl I’ve known him to even really get close with was me.
In a way, I think me and Michael got along because we were somehow alike and that’s why we became such good friends. We both had a hard time when it came to meeting new people. I remember I would always be too scared to approach someone. As I would walk towards them, there would be a thousand questions running through my head like, “Is there anything on my face,” or “Okay, what should I say that would really get them to like me?” I had major confidence and inferiority issues that I just couldn’t get rid of, but who didn’t during high school, right?
Well, I graduated in May and summer had finally ended. I was finished with saying my goodbyes to my friends that were moving out of town and to the ones that were staying in Houston. On the way driving to Austin, I felt a little fear and sadness. I wished so much I could just stay with my friends and go back to my normal routine, but I guess everyone needs a little change once in awhile. Everything was unpacked into my cramped, box-like dorm room. As my family was waving goodbye while they drove off, I felt a little tear roll down my cheek. I was definitely not ready to begin this journey called, "college" at University of Texas.
The alarm went off at the same time as my next door neighbor's. The walls were so thin that I could hear every little step that was being taken next door. I took a deep breath and started to get ready for my first class, pre-calculus. As I walked through campus searching which building I was supposed to be in, I saw all these upperclassman walking steadily past me trying to get to their next class. I felt so lost and little, like a freshman would. I finally arrived at my class to find out that I wasn't even on the roster. Turns out that they never received my transcripts that showed I took extra classes in the summer. Then, I realized that because I'm not on the roster for pre-calculus, then I probably wasn't on the roster for chemistry as well. At that point, I started to panic like no other. It was my first day of school and I was about to lose 6 hours when I didn't even have a backup plan! I ran back to my dorm and quickly got onto the computer to search for classes that were still available to sign up for. Of course, there were none that sparked my interest, but at that point all I had in mind was to get my full 12 hours. What a way to start off the first day of school.
A few days later I got things situated, they did end up receiving my transcripts and I was able to take the classes that I wanted to. Things weren't all happy go lucky for me just yet. I was still alone and had a bad case of home sickness. Being the shy girl that I was, I felt it was impossible to adjust to a new city and meet tons of people. Organization fair came along a few days after school started and I decided that it was time for me to just put myself out there. So, I signed up for Filipino Student Association. To a few, it was a little confusing on why I chose this organization among all the other ones. First, I am not Filipino, I am actually Chinese. Second, I chose this organization over Chinese Student Association. Well, let me explain. I remember in high school I saw videos online of hip hop dance competitions taken place at Goodphil. I later learned that the competitions are just among college students that were part of FSA from different parts of Texas. I wanted to dance and at the same time if I were to meet a Filipino boy along the way, it wouldn't hurt.
As months went by, I started meeting more people and joining more organizations. I became part of the promotional committee in ABSA (Asian Business Students Association) and an active member in FSA. I started feeling comfortable approaching people and introducing myself. I noticed a change from that little Chinese girl at Lamar high school. Since I started college, I never felt apprehension before I approached someone and introduced myself. It felt as if I reached nirvana and I was just in such a comforting state. I noticed a change in Michael too. He was getting girls left and right and just seemed totally different from the Michael I once knew in high school. The way he dressed, and just the way the presented himself was new to me. I guess college made an impact on him as well.
I don't know what it is about college. Somehow it has that effect on people not to become a better person, but someone with a little more confidence. I am able to just speak my mind now and meet tons of people without feeling like their judging me. Looking back on how I was in high school, I feel a sort of regret not being able to really get to know more people. However, I am glad on what I’ve become today as a college student.
UT Goodphil '07
I ended up becoming one of the dancers; I'm the girl in the white skirt.
